Talented human colour-makers

 I take a lot of inspiration from maverick, underground artists that reject conformity and do their own thing. One day I'm going to be like them but with more hair. Here they parade...

Banksy - Rumoured to be nothing more than CGI, this being created graffiti and was rocking monkeys in trolleys and giant rats before I was even awake. Operating mostly in Bristol, no one is sure if it is fully aware of its surroundings or whether it is a government scheme gone awry.

Tracy Emin - Born to a family of woodlice during a 1940s fallout, Emin has become famous for creating a successful chain of bed stores but little else. Recently she has been pictured smiling, which has compromised her artistic merit and relationships with her peers.

Damien Hirst - This man prides himself on never having looked in a reflective surface in his life. He has become infamous for an unusual recipe for sharkfin soup which has been a huge success. He is rumoured to never take his clothes off as they are sewn to his skin with spiderweb.